Your parent might not even be able to put into words why they don't like a place. Lets look at a few ways guardianship might help the situation and other ways it could hurt it. St. Louis, MO 63131 People with dementia often arent capable of realizing that they have declined and may need more help with tasks like cooking, driving, hygiene, and bathing. They're becoming increasingly forgetful and confused. You may want to start by emphasizing that assisted living can enhance independence in ways that your parent may not have considered. When you feel like you are at the end of your rope, what do you do? Start with about three options (no need to overwhelm them) and ask them to pick one they'd like to visit in person. On the day of the move, stay as long as you can to help your parent familiarize themselves with where things are. It will likely result in less resistance from the senior. Usage of any form or other service on our website is Hopefully, with our tips, this won't happen to your parent. At some point, it makes sense to move your parent to assisted living where they can receive round-the-clock care, and you can become a family member again and not just a caregiver. "Struggling with an illness or injury, plus the details of a move into an . "You don't want to be making a decision when your parent isn't feeling well, because she or he may not be as open to it at that time," she says. But by reviewing and understanding their various opinions, you may be able to approach this situation in a more informed and direct way. If you can, ask your parent what items are essential to bring along to their assisted living space. 2. Families have been known to literally pack up their parents belongings and move them despite their resistance. Take a deep breath. Instagram. No one can force someone else to do something against their will. You may be surprised at your ability to find out the root of the problem. Let your parent know that this is only an exploratory expedition to see what an assisted living facility is really like. Approach this option with caution and ask about side effects or any other negative consequences. Many assisted living communities offer in house health providers like podiatrists, dentists, and doctors. If your mother in law is only in the beginning stages of dementia, it is very unlikely that your husband or his sister can force her to move even if they do have a springing power of attorney for her - do they? Refusing to Move to Assisted Living Can You Do Anything If Your Parent With Dementia Refuses Help? If she cannot afford aides, or they will not be appropriate for her, then assisted living/memory care may be her best option. In some cases, they may even come to the home to discuss the situation with your loved one. They fear they will lose their independence. 2. Likewise, they cant use utensils safely or appropriately. Be transparent and honest about the move, You might be a burned-out caregiver because. initially and may have difficulty understanding or recognizing how much help they actually need. Do this several times and introduce your parent to the staff. Get an easy-to-understand breakdown of services and fees. If necessary, make a list of all your parents care needs. My dad has significant memory loss and refuses to admit it. You are not alone in your disappointment and frustration. By gently and respectfully pointing out how much care your parent requires, you can help them see things from your perspective. There are legitimate reasons for the many mixed reactions from seniors. or requires more than you can provide. My mom had a bad seizure in 2014 that greatly affected her short term memory. I live in NY, she in SC so it was easy for her to hide it but I started suggesting she consider help and still she dug her heels in. So consider backing off for a few weeks. A parent falls and breaks a hip and some other bones, goes to rehab, and is told that assisted living is the best option for continued care. If a dinner table discussion isn't working out, try taking your parent on a tour of the assistedlivingcommunity you're interested in. generalized educational content about wills. They would probably avoid the discussion indefinitely if given a choice. With that said, guardianship is not a magic wand and comes with challenges of its own. Think about who they are and what they care about. The subject of assisted living can also be a bit more relaxed if you are talking about it before it is needed. The tips below can help you address the concern and figure out what may be driving the refusal. Theyve grown attached to their home, their possessions, etc. People can still live in their own homes with early dementia, but she may need aides to assist her if she is having difficulties with day-to-day needs, taking her medications on schedule, getting to doctor appointments, etc. If respite isnt an option and you cant reach a consensus on the subject, ask your parent what they want, and are willing to do to solve the care issues. The more familiarity with something, the better. Try very hard not to make this discussion a total surprise by having prior discussions and planning. Cake offers its users do-it-yourself online forms to complete their own wills and People in respite care have the full range of amenities and care that any permanent resident would have. The best approach to a loved one with dementia is to be honest about the reasons for a move without being condescending. This question has been closed for answers. My sister is 71-years-old with dementia. Whenever possible, try to include your parent in any discussions about a potential move. It often has the opposite effect of creating anger and agitation. Heres why we need to change our language surrounding transitioning to senior living and elderly care: What is the difference between assisted living and skilled nursing? Loss is hard. Loneliness can lead to or exacerbate mental health problems like depression and anxiety. Some states use the term guardianship to cover both health and finances and others use the word conservatorship for management of the estate. Once the subject is discussed, there is a chance that the senior will refuse to move to assisted living. A parent falls and breaks a hip and some other bones, goes to rehab, and is told that, No one can force someone else to do something against their will. Be prepared for your parent to want to come home, Moving a Parent with Dementia to Assisted Living, If you're looking for more help with the transition, read our guides on. At some point, there may be no other option than to move your parent to. Review the seniors finances with her and an outside financial professional. If you've "senior proofed" your home by removing area rugs . Accept that there may not be any resolution, but dont let that distract you from your efforts. Taking care of someone with dementia is exhausting work. My family went through the moving process once with my mom, she came back to her home for a few years, and now we're doing it all over. Fear of losing independence. Recognize and accept your parents feelings so you can address them. Whether it is for your parents safety or to relieve you of overwhelming caregiver duties, it can be a hard but necessary move to make. They can recommend and write a prescription for assisted living for your parent, but they cant make them move. You'll see a directory of the best assisted living communities in your area. Taking large pills can be very uncomfortable. Leave the topic for a few days, but dont hesitate to bring it up again at another time. Provide as much structure as possible to create a routine. Get free access to planning tools and premium resources. Theyre worried because they wont know anyone. This is a process that requires extraordinary patience and flexibility. That means you cannot expect a single conversation to result in full agreement. I truly believe had they done the right thing my mom would not of broken two wrists, two hips, and a elbow. You and your family will have to decide on the best way to manage the resistance and whether to override their objections. The trick is to convince your parent to accept a stranger and one that may be taking care of intimate personal needs. When Is the Best Time to Talk to a Parent About Moving to Assisted Living? My mom has Alzheimer's and she is in a nursing home. However, with guardianship, you can legally move someone to assisted living even if they dont want to go. Hi! Since most forms of dementia are progressive in nature, behaviors can get worse over time. By clicking "Accept", you agree to our website's cookie use as described in our Cookie Policy. A parent falls and breaks a hip and some other bones, goes to rehab, and is told that assisted living is the best option for continued care. Worries of shifting to an environment full of strangers. They're having difficulty keeping up with daily tasks and personal care like basic self-care, like bathing, eating, and using the restroom. Start low and go slow. . Senior Living| , Dementia is an overall term for diseases and conditions characterized by a decline in memory, language, problem-solving and other thinking skills that affect a person's ability to perform everyday activities. If they enjoy reminiscing, ask questions about their earlier life. She says she hates it, but seems to participate in the activities, and attacks me and my brother verbally every visit, but she is safe and well cared for. You cant force someone to do something they dont want to do, but you may have to cajole them to guide the process along. The first decision is looking at the present home where the senior resides and discussing with them what they like about the home while identifying potential safety hazards that need to be addressed in a new home. Beating yourself up over the issue will only make you feel worse and may even cause you to foster resentment toward your parent. A calm and reassuring attitude will have a positive effect on your parent, who may be just as frustrated as you might be. 6 min read With age, some people may isolate themselves, or worst, ward off loved ones with aggressive or anti-social behavior. My wife isn't able to take care of my mom anymore due to her sanity. This may not always be possible for you and your loved one if the move is needed quickly due to major health changes and decline that often follow a hospitalization. Often, it can take a toll on your well-being and overall qualityof life due to the stress of the parent needs and children's needs. Guardianship will give you the legal authority to place someone in senior living, Guardianship may give you control of finances, Guardianship can prevent someone from leaving medical care or senior living. Attempt to distract your parent when they start to get agitated and you might be able to prevent an escalation. 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